Real Expectations

 Another week of ponies just ticking over, property improvements taking place and house renos slowly occurring. 

I have a ton of fun getaways and adventures penciled in the calendar this summer, but despite all my talk of salvaging a show season, at this point none of them involve actually riding horses.

Went for a hike and saw some very big trees. I'll never capture the scale with a phone camera. Riding the trail is a bucket list thing for me now...it's a bit of a grind in and out up a steep rocky trail, but the route once you're up there looks very horse friendly.

I've got zero complaints because every week I feel just a little bit better, and I do hop on for at least a short ride most days. However I'm also not at a point where I can realistically book all the shows, spend all the (non-refundable) entry and travel money and know that my body is going to cooperate enough to 'officially' do the thing (and more importantly, have fun) on the day. 

Summer coats shedding so winter coats can come in, time is flying by

 The temptation to up the ante is there. A lot of my friends are going full speed ahead right now with summer showing and have continuous meet ups and training sessions planned. I feel left out. I want to go do all the fun things too. But also, most days I'm genuinely happy in my own space, taking things as they come without having any looming deadlines hanging over me. It's a funny contrast for sure, because instead of the goals and schedules and self criticism I normally rule my life with, I've had no choice but to embrace living day to day and accepting and making the best of what I'm given.

Speaking of accepting what you're given, B currently has a tent in an electric fence paddock. A new shelter and post and rail fencing there will be complete for baby Trademark's arrival. B loves her tent and time outs from Sophie so it's turned into a thing this summer where she's camping at night while Sophie gets the barn to herself  :)

 I think as riders the culture is so much about being tough and sucking it up and getting the job done that's it's hard to not feel like a bit of a failure when I'm sitting on the sidelines many days, partly by circumstance, and partly by choice and an attempt at risk mitigation.  Choosing when and where I ride or work the horses is such a logical thing to do while I am a bit broken and waiting for further medical input, but I still struggle with it. There are a lot of days I end up getting totally in my head about it, like am I just making excuses? Could I be working harder? Taking bigger chances?

Sophie's been super this week. We're definitely still going through a phase where she's feeling very good and thinks she knows it all and should dictate the rules, so a pre ride longe is back on the schedule. Fingers crossed we're trending positive again, though.

But mostly, the answer is that I need to let all that noise go. The horses don't care what we do on any given day, and I am not on any elite athlete path where my future success or income depends on how I ride. I've been slowly crossing shows and clinics off the calendar and replacing those days with other fun adventures. Many of those fun adventures might not involve me riding but they're exciting and something to look forward to nonetheless. More on that next time....I think I have a fun getaway planned each month between now and October, and July's is epic (and horsey related).

I still have a barn kitty! She's pretty friendly now and runs to meet me at the barn. We've totally bought in and are already contemplating what we can set up at the barn so she can stay warm and safe this winter.

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