Yesterday, I wrote out a whole post on how I’ve been busy and stressed and sad and basically haven’t had a day off in weeks and have been tired and not been riding at all.
So fun.
This morning, I read that post one more time prior to hitting publish, and was like “WTF, who is this person? I feel sad for her, but I don’t like her at all.”
Today, I again had a bit of a busy day. Good busy. Stressful in a way, but oh so fun in others.
I quit my part time early morning barn job. The extra cash for horses was nice, but it’s not like I have a shortage of my own horsey chores to do on any given day If I really decide I need the money, I can just pick up an hour or two extra a week at my real job and (sad but true) make the same amount. Besides, I think I just have to face that I’m not ever going to be a morning person. 5am is not a happy time for me.
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| When hay is $706.20 a ton, you can’t blame me for thinking a second job made sense. |
Next, I cancelled two weekend riding clinics for October. That sucked, but I’m sure some of you will have experienced the negative side of trying to organize and participate in such things. I’m sure I’ll be back at in the future, but for now I’m just going to look after myself and just figure out my own learning (thank you again for the remote lesson tips, everyone)
Then, I had a nice chat with the people who matter. I’m sad, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m scaling back all the extra stuff so I have time for the people and things I love. Such a simple concept, yet somehow so hard for me to execute - this isn’t the first time I’ve overdone it with commitments and promises and it probably won’t be the last.
Just 24 hours later, I feel so much better. I finished the day by cleaning tack and giving both girls a good grooming, so we’re ready to ride.
So, let me reintroduce myself: Hi, I’m T. I work 40 hours a week at a job I enjoy. My husband is my best friend. I’m incredibly lucky. I also have two lovely ponies, and I enjoy riding them. I have some dressage goals, but I might go eventing again some time, too.
I’m looking forward to getting out again, especially on these gorgeous fall evenings and weekends.
I could have written this - I've just been disappointed and frustrated by things outside my control but really my problems are very trivial. I just got a reality check hearing from people with real problems, so in part I'm feeling a bit embarrassed but also trying to be more grateful for what I do have.
ReplyDeleteRight? I wish it was easier to step back and objectively look at my own life. I’ve wasted months this year spinning my wheels and beating myself up, feeling so upset with all the things beyond my control. Honestly feeling pretty sorry for myself despite knowing logically I’m really lucky and lots of people would love to have my “problems”. It felt nice to finally make some decisions today and let go of some of it.
DeleteI wish I had learned this sooner. I am much better at this now.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard... you can't pour from an empty cup <3
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you took the time to recharge yourself and took the initiative to cut out the things that were causing you anxiety and time (bc let's be real, time is SO hard to come by, esp when you are an adult ammy who does your own pony chores 24/7).
I actually had to step back and regroup because I was getting overwhelmed as well. Maizey is at a friend's place (quite literally across the street from the new place Annie and Spud are at), as their horse's friend passed away in April and their remaining horse, AJ, can't be alone. So, I offered Maizey to keep him company since their place isn't Spud-approved (ie. fencing) and Annie does not like AJ.
Anyways, I was making myself nuts bc I would do horse chores at both places every single day (not a requirement to do chores at AJ/Maizey's place, and my friend's parents kept reiterating me to just leave the chores haha but I would feel bad if there was poop and I didn't clean it). After a few months I started to take a step back and now only do chores 3-4x a week. It's much more manageable and I don't feel so overwhelmed, but also still feel like I am contributing to their place. The Boyfriend reminded me that I'm not actually "boarding" Maizey there - they are "borrowing" Maizey. Still, I try to pull my weight a bit too haha.
Out of curiosity, what does that work out to per bale? $16?
I know you guys have crazy expensive hay there - it always interests me how prices vary from place to place. Around here, we average $4-$6 a bale (45lbs). The nicer stuff from Vanderhoof (alfalfa galore) are more like $7-$8 per bale.
Sometimes the extra money isn't worth it, no matter how much we try. In 2017/2018 I was working 3 jobs and it was tough but the extra income was needed, but in the end my brain got fried and you just have to step back sometimes and take care of yourself and the money will come later.
ReplyDeleteugh i feel the burn out as well and now have the husband home full time (Which sounds lovely on paper but is not really)....ugh..i am glad you stepped back a bit and your ponies are so gorgeous still :) Hay OUCH. yikes...good thing Bridget is an easy keeper.....
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