I was looking through my dressage tests from 2017 last night, in hopes of gleaning some additional homework to practice before our spring shows. I've also been pondering about what qualities I'm looking for in a new horse.
On one test, there was a fair score, and 'Talented pair!" written in the comment box. Which, truly, is a very kindly meant comment and never one I'd complain about. But, it didn't ring true, and felt...weird that someone would say that. We got a good score because we were talented? No, actually, I think we had a good day because we worked our butts off for months in advance.
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| Super fancy dressage pony is adorable - look, she can lift one foot at a time while looking like she might fall over, lol. Sorry, Bridget, I can't help making fun of you and my terrible photos :) |
Recently, when riding with some friends at home, someone made a comment about Bridget looking naturally balanced and that I was lucky to have a pony with talent. I won't argue Bridget isn't awesome, but seriously...readers know it's been years at this point of trying to teach her to move forward in a balanced way. And we're still far from major success there. Again, I was torn between being happy someone thought B looked good, and sad that they thought it was just a magical thing that happened due to some random good luck.
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| We both do show a strong aptitude for being lazy and eating too much. |
My main point here being that thinking like that so, so wrong. Those girls are better than me mostly because they're braver, more dedicated, and way harder working. I think by mentally ascribing even a little of anyone's small successes to 'talent' you'll never possess, you're cheating yourself. Especially at the lower levels most of us ride at. Maybe they are more talented than you, who knows? But more likely, they just work harder than you. In the real world, at the average barn, 'talent' or 'luck' is too often a term often used more as a synonym and recognition of hard work than a recognition of natural ability or the universe favoring you. I guess 'dedicated pair!' or 'wow, you're a hard worker!' doesn't have the same ring to it, but certainly it's closer to the truth.
</rambling>
Interesting - When I give compliments I'm much more likely to just call out "he looks great!" or "you guys nailed that lengthening/transition/fill in the blank!". It's more of an in the moment compliment rather than an overall one.
ReplyDeleteHa! Yeh, "Dedicated pair" is a bit of a let-down as far as compliments go. If a judge said to me "You and your pony are clearly dedicated in your efforts and it shows" - I'd love that!
I like that!
DeleteIt's not that I'm annoyed by people trying to compliment or be kind, just sad that in our local group, at least, there seems to be a belief that crazy good fortune is a big part of achieving goals. Lots of, "If my horse was good at that/talented like yours, then I could try to achieve x goal" And I'm like "Please no, we worked REALLY HARD, we are not good at this! You just need to put in hours and try!"
Lol I think you're reading too much into it! A goal in dressage is to make it look easy, so it sounds like you're achieving that.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad we don't make it look easy very often at all, lol :) But yes, just need to live in the moment and not overthink.
DeleteI absolutely know what you mean (I get the same remarks mostly when someone sees me eating a cupcake and says "oh it's so nice you can eat whatever you want you are thing." and I would just kind of glare because I hit the gym 5 days a week and eat clean 90% of the time) and I loved how you ruminated on it and turned it around to your own thinking. No one really knows the truth about anyone's grind unless they've been witness to it.
ReplyDeleteHa! I was just thinking similar thoughts as I pull into my gym right now. My (well meaning) mom recently was like "oh poor you, working out all the time, but inheriting my inability to be thin!" And I was like, "actually, I just eat too much and don't exercise enough to burn it all off, let's be real, I am not helpless here", lol.
DeleteWe've all been thinking this and I'm so glad that you said it. They don't see all the work and effort (and in my case the full blood, sweat, and tears) go into getting where you are. Just like when someone says, "You're lucky you have such 'n such" ... Actually... I worked for it. It's so hard walking into an arena and explaining everything in under a paragraph everything that Brantley and I have been through so finally I got to the point, "This is Brantley. I trained him myself."
ReplyDeleteYou are talented in your efforts and have done an amazing job thus far. Can't wait to see how you do this year ^.^
Exactly! Part of the reason I love bloggers - we're all real people sharing real struggles and working their butts off to learn and be better. You being a prime example of that!
DeleteYea I feel ya on this. It annoys me whenever anyone suggests that "of course you were able to do xyz, you are already capable and your horse is so easy and talented!" Bc yea it misses the point and glosses over the actual hours of blood sweat and tears that go into working on our riding and helping our horses be the best they can be. The flip side tho is that it's also easier for me to be blinded by all those persistent flaws that I struggle constantly to correct. And that sometimes I need to focus on being kinder to myself about the process. Ultimately tho, yea we are all working hard for the outcomes we get, and it's generally a disservice to suggest that someone else's outcomes aren't just as hard faught.
ReplyDeleteI think we have to realize too that those judges are sitting watching horse after horse go and have to come up with something to say. I have had the following for Remus: Well-matched pair, cute pair, nice pair you name it (I would kill for talented LOLLOL)....i think sometimes they just jot something down. SO yes i think they are taking it for granted you have done the work...and stop thinking so hard ;) I think you both are very talented!! I think she is adorable and when she trots she is very balanced and cute as a button to boot. And when it comes to getting a new horse, my thoughts would be something like Bridget with maybe a bit more size and scope. But I am also the type who would not want a tall lean tbredy type (I dont think I could ride it) after riding a short squat QH all these years :) Get what makes your heart sing! Be damned to the rest of the world :) HA!!! Give B a pat from me one of her greatest fans! :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post so much. I completely agree that it's so much easier to see someone doing better than you and automatically assume it's only because they or their horse are just naturally better/more talented than you. I'd rather be recognized for the hours of frustration and tears I spend in the saddle that I overcome than someone throwing out an off-handed, "Must be nice to have it so easy because it just comes to you!" Nah. Nothing just comes to anyone.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. I have this terrible ability to be jealous of other horses/riders without really looking into all the work they've put in on the horse and in themselves. Sure, some horses are naturally more easier to bring up in the levels, but at the same time, we are all kind of embracing the Struggle Bus journey.
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