Deja Poo

You'd think, being a middle aged adult, I'd have a better handle on the mind games my negative inner voice likes to let loose with if at all given the opportunity. Sadly, it seems like anytime there's stress or pressure in other parts of my life it seems to creep into my general horsey outlook and confidence too.

Yep, here we go again with the random confidence issues.

Saturday, G came up to the barn to help me set up an awesome jump course. It was fun to set up, and I was excited. Then I started warming B up, and was like "Actually, I feel a little nervous right now". So, we jumped a smaller vertical a few times, and I pretended to be confident. Midge was on fire.

Gangster pony

We then had this conversation:

Midge: "YAASSSS!JUMPING! Let me gallop, please, please, let me gallop"
Me: "No, actually, please let's just keep it to a working canter"
Midge, 5 or 6 strides out: "But I see it! We need to move up to this, trust me!"
Me: "No, lets add...oh no that's not going to work...ok fine, GO!" *awkwardly buries pony*
Midge: "You suck!!!" *gets head down on backside of jump, crowhops a few times and I roll off over her shoulder*
Me, to G: "OMG, did you see that? She's feeling way to good!"
G: "I saw her do...something. She barely bucked and you fell off."

Thanks for the understanding and support, G and B :)

My brain: "That really was the lamest way to fall off ever. Wow, you really suck!"
Me: "Shut up. I want to jump stuff, and you need to shut up so I can get that done today"
My brain: "Go ahead, try, but you'll never be any good at this!"

Sidenote for Canadian friends: They have this at the grocery store now! Happy, comfort indulgence in chocolate-y sugar form after a cold and miserable day.

So, that's the story of how I had a minor meltdown for no special reason, but still made myself jump most of the course. When G pushed me for a reason why I was so frustrated with myself/needed to jump anything, I was like:

-You helped me build a course so now I need to jump it. It's ungrateful not to.

?

-Midge is having so much fun. I'm letting her down if I don't do this.

?

- OK, but I need to get better.

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-Because I can't keep doing the same height forever and I need to move up.

?

-Because I don't know why.

Being the awesome guy he is, he gently offered to come back and help me build a new course on Sunday. To which I said no one needs to suffer adults having tantrums and we went for a nice trail ride instead.

Lake view yesterday

The End :)