I've been really struggling to stay positive this fall. A bit of it's the weather, maybe the shorter days. A lot of it's work related, mostly other people's problems, agendas, and work politics bothering me more than they should. The dynanic there has changed immensely in the last year or so, with no signs of the pendulum swinging back to a better atmosphere any day soon. I've been fantasizing about walking out, throwing my meager possessions in the truck and waving goodbye. See ya later, hope you don't mind being miserable without me, I'll be busy sleeping in and hanging out with my husband (when I'm not at the barn!) Quite a satisfying fantasy, really.
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| TBT to video stills of Midge and I having fun on XC last spring. Happy times :) |
I'm very lucky in that if it does get to the point where I'm "done" with this particular job, I do have lots of other options on the table, including the above. But the option weighing in itself is a stressful thing!
So, last night I went to the barn, and spent some time hugging B and Ginger (neither are cuddly, Bridget tolerates it, Ginger is now likely traumatized by my excessive feels and neediness ;)
My lesson was average, some bad, some ok, and some good. I like average lessons, because they help give me a structure for when things aren't going perfectly, but aren't so bad that there's no redemption.
Our lesson was once again on the flat, and as my post title would suggest, done without stirrups. Since I am in dire need of a dressage saddle, riding sans stirrups in my jumping saddle is actually easier, there is no fighting to keep my leg and seat in the right place. A few pieces of the canter puzzle became available to me simply because I could place my body where I wanted so easily. Pretty cool.
This should be the place where I tie all my rambling thoughts together with an analogy about fighting vs making things easier on yourself, or even dedication and hard work bringing results, but yeah, personal life at the moment is not that simple and won't be solved by horses. What I do know is the barn and the ponies are keeping me sane and I look forward to and enjoy lesson nights very much. Also, a few more paycheques will bring me closer to affording a dressage saddle for Xmas. Priorities :)
I have the feels this fall too! Unfortunately the mud is preventing me from limping my gimpy self to snuggle ponies
ReplyDeleteStupid mud! I hope you're feeling better soon
DeleteIt's been a hard year. I especially relate to how you're feeling. Trot on though, right? Good luck!
ReplyDeleteTrotting on :)
DeleteI have the same fantasy about leaving my job! A great atmosphere destroyed by poor management and attitude.
ReplyDeleteIts amazing how quickly and thoroughly one poor manager in a key position can wreck an organization.
DeleteI enjoy my job but I wish that I had more time for riding! The past few weeks have been gray and dreary which makes it harder too.
ReplyDeleteMy next job will have flex time, I think :) fingers crossed for sunshine!
DeleteUgh I had that kind of season at work last year! It's so tough, but the ponies do provide such a nice solace from it all - at the barn, nothing else matters. If I find someone willing to pay gobs of money for playing with ponies all day, I'll let you know. ;)
ReplyDeleteYes please! I tell my coach to hire me at the barn full time and pay me gobs of money...win/win because I'd give it all back to her in board, lessons, etc anyway!
DeleteI'm feeling the same way too. Sort of depresso and unmotivated. Hopefully it will go away for everyone soon!
ReplyDeleteUgh "priorities" indeed. I know that feeling too. Good luck with weighing it all out and managing the stress!! In the meantime tho I love looking at these pics again from your xc camp!!
ReplyDelete