Insanity

Sunday's clinic ride just kind of stunk in general. I was really not on my A game, and have to admit I went into the morning with kind of a negative attitude based on the previous day's experience.

I really need to listen to my instincts, because they were bang on regarding Bridget. If you remember, she tried her heart out on day 1, but I felt like a lot of the exercises and expectations were too big of an ask for her, and I was lucky she was willing to try so hard and humor me and that riding her like that was not a sustainable prospect at this point in time. I was right in thinking that, since she came into the lesson just mentally 'done' with the whole thing. We rode in the outdoor today, so there were a few more distractions, but I don't feel like that was the problem. Pony was more just like 'What more do you want? What more can I possibly give you that I haven't already?' and just kind of gave up. She was right of course, because horses never lie to us. She really had nothing left to give or prove. I was a better person I would have just given her the day off.

Just some recent random pics to break the text wall. I didn't get any photos from the weekend. (yes, pony's lead rope isn't tied - she ground ties so I get lazy about leaving it under her feet once in a while)

I told the instructor that I felt like pony was tired mentally and physically from the previous day, so we agreed to run through some of the walk trot tests to give me practice without doing anything too taxing for the baby pony. Sounds good!...oh, but after we get that right lead canter depart again. Hmmm. OK, I guess. (Here is where I should have just stuck to my guns and said NO ) So for the next 45 minutes or so, we did the same exercise over and over and over again. (10m counterbent circle to a canter depart and continue on the circle in canter) At first Bridget was like "I don't understand" and then I was like "this is much too complicated" and then we both were like "We can't do this, we give up, this is stupid and we hate life". And we both ended up frustrated with the situation. I kid you not, in all that we got exactly two strides of right lead canter. It just wasn't working for either of us, yet for whatever reason I kept being a robot and blindly interpreting the instructions the best I could. I'll admit to probably being all wrong and sucking at the interpretation too. My pony is a saint. I deserved to be left in the dirt. Pony shut down mentally and we lost the steering, we lost the forward, we lost any attempt at having any contact. I'm hoping I will be forgiven when I ride next and we didn't just take a huge step back.

After my ride, a friend came up and before any other comments asked "How does that saying go about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?' I love her, she summed it up best. Insanity, pure and simple.

While I did pick up a ton of tips and useful information, I don't feel like this particular clinician's teaching style suits me or Bridget and I likely won't be back for the next clinic in June. It's a shame because she's a contemporary of one of my favorite trainers ever (they even studied under the same rider for many years). Personalities are such a huge thing - she seems like a nice person, but she's very assertive as a coach. I get a bit weird about people shouting or running me or my horse down as a coaching style...rather than making me more motivated, or even really emotional at all, I just kind of shut down mentally and don't take the person overly seriously, which is unfortunate. I can handle fair criticism, but there has to be some positives or encouragement now and then for me to benefit. She wasn't as harsh with others, so I am left wondering a bit what the problem was. I don't want to sound at all like "oh poor me, I got picked on" because I don't overly care about that, more I just don't understand the motivation behind it or what the clinician was really looking for me to do differently.

We trailered both ponies home last night and they were SO happy to get off the trailer and be at home. When we let them out to the pasture there was a big happy reunion and lots of running around. Except Bridget - she did a courtesy circle with her pals and came running back to me and stood by my side and watched the antics until I had to leave. Guys, I seriously cried then. Maybe I read too much into it, but I feel like in her mind we must still be partners, even after such an awful week. I have no idea how horses can be so forgiving.